Hide the Ho Ho's
by LaTrabrasera
Summary: Jason is depressed and maxi and spin help


**"Hide the Ho-Ho's" **

**PG-13**

A/N: We (Trabrasera and Blondie Boots) As it stands, Trab had a dream last night that we have turned into a cute little OOC one shot. Enjoy.

P.S. "I do what Alton Brown says." Blondie Boots

Title : Hide the Ho-Ho's

Authors: Trabrasera and Blondie Boots (From Trab's dream)

Rating: PG-13 for a little language.

Summary: OOC, after the cabin/storm, Jason is depressed.

Disclaimer: We don't own anything, we don't get paid. We always give them back when we're done. Maybe a bit flushed and breathless, but we give 'em back

Jason was in bed at his penthouse. He wasn't alone. His new best friend, Li'l Debbie was with him. That bitch had moved in right after he broke up with Liz, for the umpteenth time.

He couldn't stop himself. He just kept stuffing Ho-Ho's in his face. And as hard as he tried to get up and out, that sugary wench kept enticing him back. Eventually, he just stopped trying, and had the local grocery deliver more.

Just then, Jason heard a knock at his door. He summoned all his strength to yell, "Who is it?"

A voice called from downstairs, "Stone Cold? It's your humble grasshopper, seeking conference with the masterful one."

"You can come up, if you go get more Ho-Ho's."

"What, Stone Cold? I'm not sure I heard you accurately."

"Never mind, come up."

Spinelli climbed the stairs and entered Jason's darkened bedroom.

"May I illuminate, Stone Cold?"

"No lights."

"Um, Stone Cold, dude? What is the matter with you? You haven't ventured from the domicile in several days and the Maximista and I, your humble grasshopper, have become concerned."

And then, just after her name is spoken, Maxi herself entered the room and flipped the light on.

"No light!" Jason yells.

Maxi paid no attention and surveyed the room.

"Geez, Jason, depressed much?"

Jason grumbled, "It's just a few Ho-Ho's."

"Dude," Maxi said, disbelieving, "you have the supply of Ho-Ho's from every grocery store, mini mart and gas station in Port Charles. Hello, and it looks like you're chunking out. Which is what you get, I suppose, if you lay in bed all day, every day eating nothing but Ho-Ho's."

"Maximista, perhaps this is not the appropriate time to convey our concerns at Stone Cold's hermitry."

"What? Are we going to wait for him to have a heart attack or something?" She turned back to Jason. "You need to get out of bed. What the hell happened to you anyway?"

Jason grumbled a sentence that sounded like, "I broke up with Elizabeth." It was made more difficult to understand as he'd shoved another Ho-Ho in his mouth.

Maxi pounced on the bed and grabbed up all the Ho-Ho's. Jason made an effort to stop her, but was too overcome with lethargy and high blood sugar to do anything about it.

"Stone Cold, I could be wrong, but this is not the first time you have ended your involvement with the Maternal One."

"Yeah, so?"

"What he's saying, stupid, is that you've broken up with Liz like a bazillion times and she always takes you back. So, get off your fat, Ho-Ho eating ass and get your woman!"

"I can't see her looking like this."

"We'll just have to do something about it. Step one, get out of bed and take a shower! It smells like sugar and dead bodies in here. We'll work on step two when you're done showering and Spinelli and I have purged this room of all sugar related items. And opened some windows. And found some Febreeze." Maxi pulled on Jason and then pushed him towards the bathroom. "Spinelli, I need a garbage sack, some rubber gloves and long tongs. I'm starting with the bed."

"I am at your service Maximista, whatever you require I shall-"

"Cut the crap and get the stuff, ya nerd."

After Jason bathed and shaved, he sat desolately on his couch between Maxi and Spinelli.

"Step Two, I've noticed… How do I say this? That you're not as chiseled in the ab area as you used to be. And that's okay, I guess. Cuddly guys are attractive."

Jason looked at her crossly.

"Are you saying I'm fat?"

"Yes, but that means that there's more of you to love."

"Maxi, you are coming dangerously close-"

"No, no, you, Jason, are coming dangerously close to a heart attack. Get that blood pressure down!"

"I think what Maximista is trying to say, is that your outward appearance is lacking some of it's luster. And that perhaps you could work on your physique so as to attract back the Maternal One."

Maxi eyed Spinelli curiously, "You check out his physique?"

Spinelli went a bit pink.

"As part of the learning process, not in a sexual… I aspire to Stone Cold-ness, well, before right now, pre-blubber."

"Okay, enough. What's step two?"

"Go to the gym!" Maxi yelled.

"I believe Maximista-"

She stopped him.

"I think he gets it, Spinelli."

"I'm just attempting to soften the blow of your blunt perspective."

"He doesn't need 'softening', he's soft enough."

"Enough! I'm going to the gym, right now. Stop talking."

Jason struggled to get up, but eventually made it out the door.

Spinelli turned to Maxi.

"What is step 3, Maximista?"

"Burning every black shirt in his wardrobe and find a credit card number to put some color in his life. That would be were you come in."

Spinelli cringed.

"I don't feel comfortable diverting Stone Cold's funds-"

She turned to Spinelli, eyes flashing.

"You'll do as you're told!" she snapped and then softened, "Plus, if you do it quick I might let you touch a boob. Over the clothes."

Spinelli jumped up.

"Consider it done."

Several weeks later, Jason was looking quite fit and had calmed down after the change in his wardrobe.

Maxi looked at him.

"There's still something you need."

"What else? I'm in shape, I'm wearing this stupid shirt-"

Maxi got irritated.

"It's not stupid. It's just not black. There are colors in the rainbow, Jason. Technically, black isn't even a color, it's a shade."

"Whatever…"

"We have one final step in your transformation, Stone Cold. Maximista," he said, "have you got everything?"

"Everything for what?" Jason said suspiciously.

Maxi looked as innocent as possible and still look like Maxi.

"Nothing terrible, just going to give you a shampoo and trim, that's all."

"As long as that's all…"

"Yeah, promise. Now sit down and shut up."

A half an hour later there was an enraged shout from the bathroom.

"Maxi!"

"Oh, shit, time to go!"

"I told you that you should not have frosted his hair," Spinelli said, running for the door.

Maxi beat him there.

"He'll forgive me in the long run. He'll look hot."

"For now, we run," Spinelli said and ushered her out.

Despite his irritation with the new Jason that Maxi had created, specifically the hair, he was determined to get Liz back.

He waited outside her house, not in a stalkery way. Just waiting for the boys to go to sleep. Once they had sufficient time to be fast asleep, he knocked on the door. As soon as Liz opened it, Jason took her in his arms and closed the door with a foot. He proceeded to the couch and made her forget why they were apart.

Moments after completing his apology, Liz lay on the floor panting.

"I… I totally forgive you. I missed you and I… I love you. But I need to know something before we can go on."

He propped himself up on one elbow and looked at her intently.

"What's up with your hair?" she asked, incredulous.

"You don't want to know. Suffice it to say, I'm getting it fixed tomorrow. I need you to make me a promise, though."

"If it has anything to do with bad hair color, I'm on board."

"No," he said shaking his head. "If I'm ever a stupid ass again and break us up, you have my permission to sic Maxi and Spinelli on me." He paused. "And hide the Ho-Ho's."


End file.
